19 Years Ago Today September 5, 2008

I started my first “real job”. What that meant to me at the time was that I got to wear pantyhose and sign up for medical insurance. Typing had been one of the only classes in high school I had a) regularly attended and b) received a pretty good grade in, so taking an administrative job made perfect sense. My previous experience had been several years in a pet store, but now I was moving up from catching feeder fish to inside sales for an electronics manufacturer. Laid off a couple years later in one of aerospace’s waning years, I moved on to another administrative job, and then another and another. Over the years, my salary got higher, my benefits got better, my offices cushier. I had some great jobs in those days, and some super shitty ones.

At one time, I was going to write a book about my adventures as a personal assistant, but then I decided just living through it once was more than enough.

After nearly a decade and a half of jobs that made me feel less-than because I didn’t have a degree and had to be a secretary instead (no one ever stated or implied such a thing to me, that was my own angry and informed-by-my-own-inferiority-complex assessment back then), I quit my last job in that field and went in search of greener pastures. Literally, I moved over to the green industry. That was five years ago, and this fall is my last term of school towards earning my bachelor’s degree. In January, I start graduate school.

It’s a singular experience to have now worked as both the secretary and the not-secretary – working anywhere and not being an administrative person. So many of the tasks of that job were just a complete pain in the ass, and I don’t have to do them anymore. Someone else has to. It’s quite delightful.

The admin staff where I work is helpful and professional, but also so familiar: they have that suppressed irritation thing going and desks decorated with mementos of their past or planned escapes. I’m probably projecting, but it looks absolutely miserable. Of course, not everyone hates it like I did, and anyway, I didn’t always hate it. That profession took good care of me and I made friends and learned things I wouldn’t have otherwise. But JesusMaryandJoseph am I glad I don’t have to do it anymore.

Penduncle? Pinochle! And, snark. October 9, 2007

First, the funny. Last week in weeds lab, I was putting my head together with S, a new hort student with braces and a quirky sense of humor. After a quiz, we were trying to remember the name of the part that attaches a flower to the stem and I said, “Yeah, well I went with stem” and he said, “I think it’s a peen..” and I said, “Yes! Peduncle!” and he said, “That’s what I put down! Pinochle!” and I said it back the right way, “I could not remember the word peduncle” and he repeated it back the other way, “Pinochle!”
Then I started to get all giggly thinking of how he might have spelled it on the quiz, and then he kept saying it, “Yeah, I remembered it from Plant Taxonomy class, so I thought it was probably Pinochle.” (!) And I had to reach over and pinch the inside of my arm to keep from laughing because the more he said it, the funnier it was.

I love him.

In my department, we have a good number of students who are socially tone deaf. (Perhaps I am one of them and don’t know it.) One of them is an older lady from England. She asks the most moronic questions in class, and understand, I have given voice to a few ridiculous posers myself over the terms. She also has this air of self-aggrandizement that makes me want to trip her. Today we’re talking about crop and weed competition, and the instructor says that onions are an example of a crop that is not very competitive at all. English Brain Trust raises her hand and asks, “Is that because they smell?”

Lady, WTF.

In the very first class I took at the university, on my very first day, there she was in the front row with her hand up. That time, she wanted to know if nematodes were related to snakes.

It’s grating on me this term, because I’ve decided I don’t want to hear my classmates verbalize their random connections of utterly unconnected information. Has anyone heard of writing down what they know are ridiculous questions in the margins of their notes and….wait for it….looking it up when they get home? And secondly, all these courses have enforced prerequisites. Remember? Those classes where we learned why everything that is long and tapered at the ends is not necessarily in the same family?

I‘m okay with spending too long explaining complicated things over and over because someone’s not getting it. But when the problem is that someone has no filter between their brain and their mouth, that irks.

On another day of the week, I spend 5 hours – five! – in two classes back to back with a chatty stoner. By five o’clock, I am surly and irate, and he’s happily going on about how that weed makes an excellent tincture for treating contusions! Or this tree was worshiped in early Celtic rituals carried out by redheaded people whose names all started with “Mac”. I mean dude, shut. up. We have two hours to see 15 plants on 400 acres of campus. It’s raining. It’s cold. Shut. up.

I‘m Dharma, and I’ll be your surly classmate this week.

Trivia Hoedown #8 August 30, 2007

1. In Darwin’s time, bumble bees were called humble bees. (Yes, I am reading journal articles from the 1800s – crazy.)

2. When you are gleaning seed and separating it from the chaff by hand in order to count each seed, you must breathe very gently and preferably direct your breath away from the dish you are working on or your seeds will be jettisoned to distant planes. And you will curse.

3. It takes about 6 hours for a brand spanking new exoskeleton to harden on a freshly molted Madagascar Hissing Cockroach. They are extra hissy during these 6 hours.

4. In 1910 in the UK, for a variety of reasons, the native honeybee population plummeted to just 10% of its previous numbers. It’s happened again there and other places over the years, and generally, they rebound.

5. The nectaries that many flowers have at the base of the corolla are partially refilled by atmospheric dew. Whether or not a particular pollinator can feed on the nectar depends on how far the nectar level rises within the flower. The morphology of the flower and the length of the pollinator’s tongue as well as its body and leg structures determine if the nectar will be available to that insect.

6. A honeybee with a full load of pollen carries upwards of 200,000 pollen grains. Some literature puts the number at over 300,000 grains.

7. Something as similar as different species of clover can be completely different reproductively. Pollen behaves differently, seed set is different, inflorescences bear little resemblance to one another. Trippy.

8. 95% ETOH will find its way into the tiniest wound on your skin and burn like the dickens. Then, just as you near screaming aloud, it evaporates and is gone.

Trivia Hoedown # 6 July 1, 2007

Let’s hoedown!

1. Japanese Wisteria and Chinese Wisteria twine in opposite directions: Japanese goes clockwise and Chinese counter-clockwise.

2. To stratify seeds that need cold treatment before germinating: place them in moist Perlite in a loosely tied plastic bag and place in the refrigerator. Towards the end of the stratification period, check them frequently because some species will germinate readily cold/moist conditions.

3. Juvenility in plants is often manifested in thorns and retention of leaves in the fall. In Pin Oak (Quercus palustris), you can see areas of relative juvenility by observing where the leaves are retained over the winter. This is helpful when taking cuttings or initiating tissue cultures.

4. Have we already had the peaches-nectarines conversation? Nectarines = hairless nectarines. Exact same fruit. Really.

5. Phytophthora ramorum, the pathogen responsible for Sudden Oak Death, was first noticed to affect Tan Oak in California in the mid-1990s (Lithocarpus densiflorus). Because this tree was thought of as a weed species, no one was excited about it, and it hadn’t yet been identified or described. Then the trees on George Lucas’ property began to die, and the rest…is history. The pathogen was identified at UC Berkeley, and the nursery industry and USDA have undertaken intensive efforts to eliminate it from nursery stock and particularly interstate shipments.

6. An interesting way to inoculate substrate with predatory nematodes is with the use of infected cadavers. While availability is currently very limited, it introduces a large number of already-feeding nematodes. And I like the idea of dead things in my plants on purpose.

7. Bloody cranesbill is named for the red sap that wounded roots exude and the beaked seed case that spirals and “pops” to jettison the ripe seeds.

8. You can make exceptional ice cream by using liquid nitrogen to flash freeze your frozen concoction. The nitrogen boils off quickly leaving the tiniest ice crystals and sinfully smooth ice cream.

9. I get asked about this often: people who have degrees in horticulture do not also need the Master Gardener designation. I’m going to leave it at that, but please note, I am smiling wryly.

10. The buff-tailed bumblebee (Bombus terrestris) has a favorite color: violet.

11. The relative size of blueberries is a function of the number of times each flower was pollinated. Larger blueberries = more visits from bees and more pollen deposited on the stigma of the flower. Blueberries can have as many as 40 seeds per fruit.

12. Nuts, coconut milk and the like are all referred to as endosperm, and most endosperm is triploid, having one set of chromosomes from the female gamete and two from the male gamete. This comes about from double fertilization which is a derived character of angiosperms, the flowering plants. Unlike gymnosperms, angiosperms make an investment in their offspring early in the process of creating embryos. Conifers and other gymnosperms don’t make the endosperm food source for their embryos until fertilization is complete and the ovate cones begin to grow. I think this means the gymnosperms are pessimists.

13. It’s probably an old wives’ tale, but it works for me: to avoid being stung when you’re in an area where there are a lot of bees foraging, don’t breath through your mouth and don’t wear leather watchbands or belts. I’ve only ever been stung when I accidentally crushed a bee, and I’m against mouth breathing as a matter of principle anyway.

14.  When a plant is genetically engineered with a gene from another plant that lends resistance or some other characteristic, it may also take on the allergenic properties of the donor plant.  So, if legume genes are used to modify another food crop, peanut allergic people could be in real danger.  Hopefully this possibility will be addressed when products like this enter the marketplace.

15.  Green Day has done an excellent cover of Working Class Hero, which I have designated this summer’s theme music for agricultural workers.

Quickie in the AM June 26, 2007

For the person who arrived here looking to prevent biennial bearing: systematically remove about 1/2 of the young fruit (young-young – do it early) during a bearing year.  It may take the tree several years to straighten itself out.  Thinning the fruit or the flowers if you’re ambitious is the way to go.  During off years, do not thin.

The fun of awaking at 5am has waned a bit.  Can’t drink too much coffee because I am about to be in the car for an hour.  It’s going to be hot today.  Hold me.

I chose finals over blogging June 15, 2007

And now it’s over except for the waiting for grades to come out. I got a B in Botany and an A- in Greenhouse/Nursery Production Management. The other two should be in tomorrow or early next week.

Tomorrow morning I go in for my internship physical and then I have the weekend until I start work on Monday, which I understand will begin with a 6-8 hour orientation meeting. Since it’s my first day, I guess I can’t pull my father’s trick of leaving to go to the restroom and never returning. What in the world kind of orienting needs 6-8 hours to impart? I have visions of a handout with a stick figure cutting his own fingers off with his Felcos and a big red X through it.

I have an opportunity to do an undergraduate research project next year; so tomorrow will also be devoted to writing the proposal and funding application.  The project would be working with native bees, which is right up my alley.

I must remember to pay my school account and return a library book tomorrow afternoon, lest they hold my grades ransom for fees.

Trivia Hoedown #4 May 29, 2007

1. The smell of rich soil – that delicious smell reminiscent of gardening and fresh mulch and recent rain – is courtesy of Actinomycetes, a filamentous gram-positive bacteria. It’s usually treated like a fungus in study because it acts like one, forming hyphae and breaking down organic matter in soils.

Actinomycetes in Soil

2. It is possible for a dead wasp to sting you. Repeatedly. Don’t touch the pointy part; alternately, stop touching the pointy part after the first time.

3. Red Osier Dogwood, Cornus sericea, looks an awful lot like a Viburnum. It’s not though, and don’t let your botany TA tell you that it is.

4. The bulk of agricultural pests are in one of five orders of insects: Hemiptera (true bugs), Homoptera (leafhoppers, aphids, scales), Coleoptera (beetles), Lepidoptera (butterflies and moths, or rather, their larvae), and Diptera (flies). The bulk of beneficials are in Hymenoptera (wasps, ants, and bees) and again, Coleoptera.

5. Several important (meaning here “significant”) agricultural pests experience an increase in proliferation in the presence of an overabundance of nitrogen. You don’t want to overfeed because it’s expensive and wasteful, but it also kicks some insects’ reproduction cycles into high gear. Plants that are overfed are also more susceptible to disease and live in a constant state of low grade stress, meaning dwarfed growth in the longterm and smaller yields (fewer flowers).

6. Speaking of reproductive cycles, here in the PNW the temps are projected to be above 80 every day this week. Warmer weather also shortens reproductive cycles. More bugs in half the time! Rose gardeners, gird yourselves.

7. Another reason to abandon overhead watering of plants: only 30% of the water reaches the soil in container plants.

8. Every mature Cryptomeria I have ever met had a distinct lean. Planted alone, it leaned toward the sun; planted against structures, it usually leaned away from the structure. I’ve just discovered that the reason for this is that Cryptomeria are very sensitive to reflected light; reflected light means nearby competition, so the trees lean away to try to intercept light on as much of their surface area as possible. Likewise in full sun, they situate themselves to get as much of the light as possible.

9. It is possible to isolate bacteria and fungus from a 95% solution of EtOH. Don’t rely on it for sterilzation, unless you’re following up with a trip through the burner.

10. Roosevelt Elk carcasses are an excellent source of carrion beetles for your entomology collection, as you might imagine.

11. The smell of said carcass will be with you for hours. Longer, if you keep mistaking the rancid stench of those hoof treats you gave the dogs for the rancid stench of elk hooves when you foolishly wandered downwind.

12. It’s true: nothing is wasted in nature.

13. When peeing out of doors, the sound of your pee making contact with the underbrush is a critical component of ensuring that you are not peeing on the cuff of your pants.

14. Your closed car, parked in the sun, makes an excellent dryer for your field press. The smells that greet you when you open the door are nothing to worry about.

15. Mosquitos love to bite you where it’s least appropriate to scratch in public.

16. Word of the week: Ichneumonidae.
a) That’s a beautiful Ichneumonidae specimen, 10 points for perfect curation.
b) Ichneumonidae! I can’t believe you eat haggis!

Arabidopsis Thwarts Land Mines May 29, 2007

A Copenhagen biotech firm has modified a common Arabidopsis to detect nitrogen dioxide and express red leaves instead of green in its presence.  Over 100 million landmines worldwide are a danger to humans and animals and leave prime agricultural land fallow.  Now the nitrogen dioxide that they outgas can be detected by this lowly thale-cress which is seeded by air.  When the plants grow and express the red color, mine removal teams know exactly where to direct their efforts.  The red color will also serve as a warning to passersby who can avoid stepping on the mines.  Very exciting news.

 Overview from the Landmine Survivors Network here.

Trivia Hoedown #3 May 18, 2007

1. Insects that congregate together to feed or sleep or just hang out are termed ‘gregarious.’

2. Domesticated honey bees cannot pollinate alfalfa because the keel of the alfalfa flower pops up and hits the bee in the subesophageal ganglion, rendering it either trapped in the flower or very cranky or both.

3. Volumes of EtOH and water are not additive – 50 mL of EtOH and 50 mL of H2O do not equal 100 mL, but a little less: around 97-98 mL.

4. It’s never a good idea to give a landscape design client the original, solitary copy of their new landscape plan. This isn’t trivia so much as it is common sense. You would think.

5. The dreaded female Ginkgo tree: those stank bombs are not fruit, they are the seedcoat and seed. Ginkgo do not bear fruit.

6. Forensic entomology As Seen on TV is a truism. The ability to determine approximate time of death based on the date of insect oviposition relies on a biofix: a first date when the adult insect is present. The remainder of the sleuthing is done with degree days by adding up the cumulative degrees above a threshold over a period of days. With a biofix and temperature data, you can easily determine when insect eggs were laid and when they should hatch.
7. An orchard without apples represents an absence of Malus. I love pome humor.

8. If you’re looking for a good container mix that will drain well, act as a pH buffer, hold nutrients efficiently, and let plants’ roots breath, you can’t do a whole lot better than plain old Doug fir bark.

9. The difference between a bee and a wasp? Hairy eyes. Bees have fuzzy ommatidia.

10. Word of the week: equilibrate (v). Which sentence best represents:

a.) Let the solution spin down and equilibrate before you pour the plates; or
b.) I got a D on the midterm but have a solid B in lab, so I’m hoping it will all equilibrate.

Brassicales, I smite you. April 12, 2007

I was looking forward to botany this term, knowing that much time would be spent keying out plants.  Today we started with Brassicaceae and I discovered that the mustard family comes to you straight from the devil.  The nuances were lost on the me the first, second, and third times around.  Finally I arrived at the target genera, and then snippily flipped my pages looking for species right up until the last 30 seconds of class.  I had one gimme of Arabidopsis thaliana which I recognized right away (one would hope).  I’m partnered up again with Kevin who was in my soils lab last term and true to form, when I turned my back, he copied my data down.  Count your own carpels infidel!

I also discovered that my new needle probes are very sharp, sharp enough to go right through your skin.